c'est la vie

okay this is coming out of rage or maybe confused to be exact

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

the moment that i thought things would be clear and defined and i have a path that i could follow - that’s when everyone comes in telling me DONT GO

if it’s up to me, fuck that i’m leaving anyways

BUT 

these are the people that i really care, and considering how my life here (in msia) is getting better, that’s not really helping!

and the fact that they make so much sense! but again DO I NEED A STUPID DIPLOMA IN MASSCOM? maybe i do, because i could prolly do a double major later on with my ID. 

or the possibility of me fucking up, yeap i have that diploma to fall back on yay!

okay the fucked up part? iqmal doesn’t want me to go wtf yeah, my parents will be all alone, my cats stand in line with the probability getting thrown away by my mum, i’ll leave with nothing in hand, the fact that i’ll be stuck in malaysia doing masscom for the sake of getting a diploma and because i could actually -

DIFFER TO NEXT YEAR. that means JULY 2011. it’s only April 2010 :’(

I’m at the brink of jumping off a cliff (literally) but i’d consider it. 

If you don’t quite understand, (as how i don’t too) with what i just wrote.

Supposedly (or maybe still am), I will be leaving for Perth, Australia this July (2010) pursuing my dreams! To start all over again! To become an interior designer! Oh how wondrous! I’ve paid, pictured my life, got Temper Trap tickets - all done for me.

But, a lot of things are pulling me back (or maybe i’m just getting cold feet). Then, that’s when other things came about. I should not be selfish? So I thought of deferring. And I could. So that means I could leave next year with a Diploma in Masscom in hand.

Now, the question is TO LEAVE OR NOT TO LEAVE. 

Life is short. I am one confused child. 

Please, help me. 

To think about it again, everything went as planned. (after reading the 4 posts that I have in here) 

That is just.. so weird. Ok that’s all. I think God loves me, I’ve not lost touch!!

I’m very thankful. (Yes, I am too LSD!)

I knew there would be a time, just like this. This phase, again. 

Always, always ask yourself - Is it worth jeopardizing what’s good? 

What’s pulling me back:

1/ Shafiq Iqmal.

2/ My parents.

3/ My kitties/pussies/cats.

Oh, Leanne De Silva and Marina Abdullah too.

Sigh. 

I hate the kinda posts that would have to make me end with a sigh!

SIGH!

For once in my life, I have no idea what I want. I’ve thought of keeping this brief and short, but well actually I DO.. it’s just that God knows what will happen after March. Is it even a good idea? :(